


Pipeweed on the Beach

by butterflyslinky



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, Treasure Island & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack Crossover, Gen, Past Character Death, Pirates of the Caribbean References, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:29:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4246035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyslinky/pseuds/butterflyslinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Fili and Jim Hawkins are 900% done with everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pipeweed on the Beach

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for the Hobbit Kink Meme prompt here: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/10731.html?thread=22404843#t22404843. 
> 
> Probably not as epic as the OP had in mind, but I was mostly inspired by "Return to Treasure Island," in which Dean O'Gorman plays grown-up Jim Hawkins and his direction for the character seemed to be "you've had too much rum and want to go to bed but everyone keeps screwing up your day" and I couldn't resist. You can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1er3j2X60jw

Jim finally stopped running and collapsed on the ground, breathing hard. As if pirates weren’t enough, now there were a dozen dwarves fighting them all, and very vicious dwarves at that, screaming about their treasure and how they had no right to it! Honestly, Jim was inclined to agree, though he secretly hoped that they would all end up killing each other over it so he could take the ship and leave.

He’d just caught his breath when he heard a twig snap behind him. He turned quickly and pulled out his sword, hoping he’d be good enough to use it.

It was one of the dwarves, with golden hair and a braided mustache. He looked fairly young, and his eyes twinkled when he looked at Jim’s sword.

“Easy, lad,” the dwarf said. “I came over here to escape the fighting. Rather not extend it, if you don’t mind.” He smiled. “Fili, at your service.”

Jim stared for a moment before he relaxed. “Jim Hawkins,” he said. “Sorry…The others weren’t very friendly.”

Fili shrugged and sat down next to Jim. “We worked hard for that gold,” he said. “Gave our lives for it, in fact.”

Jim started. “So you’re…?”

“I’ve been dead for…well, it’s hard to say how long, time moves differently here.” Fili leaned back and smiled. “Not that it’s a bad thing. Nice island, the treasure we wanted, friends and family…what’s not to like?” He took out a pipe and a pouch. “Pipeweed?”

“No, thank you,” Jim said, feeling rather wrong-footed. “But…if you’re dead…how are you here? Or how did we get here?”

“You know, I’m not sure,” Fili admitted, lighting his pipe. “But ships have sailed here from Middle Earth before, so it can’t be too hard. If you want specifics, though, you’ll have to talk to the elves, and they live on the other side of the island, mostly, so that would just be a lot of walking.”

“I’ll pass,” Jim said. “Tell the truth, I’m just about done with this adventure and everyone who came on it with me.”

“Same,” Fili said. “My uncle…the leader of those dwarves…he’s a bit gold-mad. Minor flaw for the most part, but really annoying whenever it flares up…what got me killed in the first place, come to think on it.”

“Silver’s the same way,” Jim said eagerly. “He’s almost killed me over it as well.” He smiled in spite of himself. This dwarf was so easy to talk to. Jim felt an almost spiritual connection to him. “Maybe if all your people are already dead they can get rid of him for me.”

“Then what will you do?” Fili asked. 

“I don’t know,” Jim said. “Take the Hispanola back to England, save some money, go to America maybe? I’ve been thinking of becoming a merchant…running my own ships…”

“Something tells me that would end up being really difficult and kind of stupid,” Fili said. “And involve small children who can’t act.”

Jim nodded and stared off for a while. Finally, he sighed and looked back at Fili. “Maybe I’ll just sit on the beach and be done with everything,” he said. “Got an extra pipe?”

Fili passed him one and the pouch of pipeweed. They sat and smoked together in peace for a moment before there was some crashing in the jungle behind them and Legolas came bounding out of the trees.

“Sorry,” he said, glancing at Fili and Jim. “But there are a bunch of pirates on our side of the island and one of them keeps asking for rum while another is looking for someone named Elizabeth and they’re all babbling about a bunch of cursed gold and I'm just done with everything.”

Fili sighed. “Join the fucking club.”


End file.
